**After bonfires, bulbs and a dog called Win, will Arteta get Arsenal going again?** Let’s be honest, when your gaffer’s trying to light a fire�...
After bonfires, bulbs and a dog called Win, will Arteta get Arsenal going again?
Let’s be honest, when your gaffer’s trying to light a fire—literally—and you end up leaving the Watford coach hoarse from smoke inhalation, you know the season’s gone a bit sideways. Absolute scenes at London Colney last week: Mikel Arteta, desperate for a spark before the Manchester City mauling, sets up a bonfire. Dan Gosling, poor sod, spent the next 48 hours gargling honey because the Arsenal training ground’s hedge is apparently just a polite suggestion. That’s the state of things.
No stone has been left unturned. Fact. But the question’s been hanging over north London like drizzle on a cold rainy night in Stoke: can the man who parked the bus in the dugout actually get this lot playing with freedom, or is he just rearranging deckchairs on a sinking galleon of potential?
Arteta’s been at it since the day he walked in. Days after his appointment in December 2019, he planted a 150-year-old olive tree outside his office. Symbolism, see?
Roots. History. The weight of the shirt. Lovely. But let’s be real: a tree can’t press a backline or finish a sitter. It can shade the view of a mid-table finish, though. Then there’s the lightbulb. During a pre-match team talk, he shoved a bulb in the room to “create energy and electricity.”
Mate, it’s a bulb.
Not a lightning strike. You could stick a lampshade on it and call it an idea that’s gone dim.
And the labrador—Win, a chocolate-coloured thing, brought in because petting a dog reduces stress. Seriously. Arsenal’s win-at-all-costs mentality now literally involves a dog called Win. The irony’s so thick you could hang a banner on it. “Trust the process” has become “Pet the pooch.”
But here’s the rub: none of it’s working. Not the olive tree, not the bulb, not the bonfire, not the pickpockets Arteta hired during a pre-season dinner (yes, professional thieves—supposed to sharpen awareness, apparently).
The truth is, this isn’t a gimmick problem. It’s a football problem. Arsenal are stuck in the mud, caught between a philosophy that demands patience and a fanbase that smells blood. Arteta’s tried everything except the obvious: let them play. Stop overcoaching. Stop the theatricals. The manager’s lost the plot if he thinks a bonfire solves a failure to break down a low block.
City came, saw, and left him with smoke in his eyes. The question isn’t if he’s tried hard enough—he’s tried too hard. The gaffer needs to trust the talent, not the trinkets. Otherwise, that olive tree’s going to be the only thing left growing at the Emirates.
